T, like many others, grew up hearing about the American Dream. He heard it from his mom, dad, grandparents and even from friends that the American Dream is having children, a big house with a white fence, marriage and a successful job. T grew up immersed in a cliché American Dream itself: a CEO stepdad, private schooling and a big house with a picket fence, but doesn’t want this life for himself.
T doesn’t want kids, he doesn’t want a big house with a picket fence, and above all, he doesn’t want to get married. Instead, T wants two dogs and an apartment in the city.
On the other side of Obergefell and Hodges in 2015, there was an assumption that queer couples would get married in droves, but according to a recent poll conducted by Ashley Madison, the vast majority of Gen Z don’t want to get married. As a 20 year-old gay man, this resonates with T. “Marriage just doesn’t seem like a fit to me” said T.
However, his desire to not get married is more than economic. “I just don’t want to kiss another man in front of my grandparents and explain everything to them,” said T. T is not out to his grandparents, and sometimes questions whether that’s because he himself is not yet secure in his identity. T just knows that, that will bring more issues for himself to resolve within. T’s insecurity in his identity makes him question his perspectives on relationships and marriage. He places less importance on building relationships and connections with partners due to him being uncomfortable accepting himself. With regard to romantic relationships, Meyer and Dean (1998) demonstrated that gay men with higher levels of internalized homophobia were less likely to be in intimate relationships, and when they were in relationships, they were more likely to report problems with their partners than gay men with lower levels of internalized homophobia.
Since T experiences a hard time feeling comfortable within his sexuality, he places less emphasis on his connection with partners. He doesn’t put the energy into intimate relationships with partners. He would rather engage in the college hookup culture instead of building an intimate one. While interviewing T expressed that “I am totally okay with not getting married, I will just go to everyone else’s weddings and be happy there.” The limitations within himself comes in between T and his true self. Deep down, T would get married but he knows he has to come face to face with himself. Until then T knows this limits him from being comfortable with him as a whole.
T is…
- 20 Years-Old
- Male, Cisgender
- White
- Catholic
- Upper Middle Class
- Bisexual