I Want Freedom

When ‘N’ was a young girl she envisioned falling in love, getting married and being held. She grew up being taught, as many people are, that they should want to find security in a partner. “I think you can make the decision to keep thinking that or not keep thinking that,” she said. Now as a 21 year old, she found a desire in herself to be independent. 

When N thinks about the American Dream, what comes to mind is the happy family closed inside the white picket fence, the minivan in the driveway and the family dog inside. As N has grown up and experienced the world through her own unique lens, that of a black, queer woman living with bipolar disorder, her American dream has changed from what she wanted as a child, and is wholly different from the stereotypical American dream. 

Growing up with hard working parents, the value of hard work was instilled in her and her brother from a young age. Her father is a surgeon who grew up in the projects of a city in the Midwest and her mother is a pharmaceutical sales professional who grew up in the projects of a city in the South. Their American Dream was more along the lines of the typical American Dream. They worked their way out of difficult circumstances and became successful. 

“For my mom and my dad it was just to make it, in whatever capacity that means,” N said. “For me, I don’t want to live just bare minimum, I want independence, I want freedom in the sense of living.”

She can recall multiple instances where she’s felt she has had to work significantly harder than others to be successful because of her color. “There have been people who have looked at me who have either thought lesser, or thought I was incapable of doing something,” she said. 

“Obviously there are disadvantages to being black, being a woman, for having bipolar disorder. I’ve never once used that as a reason for me not to do better than someone else. I’ve never used that as a crutch.”

N wants independence in her career and independence financially, but she also dreams of independence from society, while the typical American Dream calls for fitting in, and being “American”. “Whoever you are, you kind of feel like you have to fit into society, and I think at least for me The American Dream is being free from that and just being able to do what you want,” she said.

N is…

• 21 Years-Old
• Female, Cisgender
• Black
• Southern
• Middle Class
• Queer